I have wanted to sit down and write about all the thoughts I have had since quitting Good Things Utah. It just hasn't felt like the right time until now. Just know that I’m not the best writer but you will get the gist. It is a busy place inside my head. (Shocking I know) I am always thinking so intently about life and lessons that I am learning at that point in my life. I have not been a host on Good Things Utah for a little over two months now. I have had time to think about what I have learned while being on the show and sense. Being a part of GTU was one of the best experiences of my life and I will cherish it forever. I chose to leave the show to spend more time with my sweet Stella girl and my hubby Jared. I would be lying if I said that it has been easy being home. My little family and I are still trying to adjust to the change of mom always being up in their business. I think my hubby gets tired of me bossing him around ;) (I’m working on that.) It has been interesting trying to find my role here at home. In the midst of everything I have learned a few important things that I really want to share, in hopes that it might help someone else.
Everyone has their limits and they are all different.
When I first had my baby I KNEW I could “do it all”. I knew that it wouldn't always be easy but I would be able to do it. I knew I could be a good homemaker, mom, wife, business owner, friend, daughter and employee. I really did think it would be tough but there was no doubt in my mind that others have done it and so could I. After my few months of maternity leave, I found myself trying to attack it all at once. A month or so went by and noticed myself losing sight of what was truly important. I tried and tried to find my balance. When I decided it was time for me to quit I was struck with a huge realization. It hit me that everybody has their limits and they are all different. I was learning mine and making the adjustments necessary for me and my family. The important thing I learned is to know your limits and live accordingly. The second I made the change a sense of balance came over my life like never before. I know that others might be able to “do it all”, but I can’t and I have learned to be okay with that. I know when to ask for help and I know with me learning my limits I am now more present with my family and I am truly a happier healthier person.
Don’t compare yourself to others or let others tell you who you are.
I think we all say “we don’t care what other people think”. The thing is WE ALL DO! It think it is okay but how much should we care? Should we let others define us? It was really hard for me jumping into T.V. land a few years ago and sharing my life with people I didn't know and trust. I dealt with a lot of heat when I was first hired. I read/ heard the most hurtful things about myself. I was told when I got the job that I needed tough skin. I had no idea it had to be that tough. I thought I had tough skin from being involved in the professional Dance industry in L.A. That had nothing on this! There were days I would come home crying to my husband not knowing if I could go back to work and face people hiding behind their computers anymore. I told myself, “I don’t care what other people think”. I think it made me feel better to tell myself that. I felt the exact opposite. I cared so much that I let other people who didn't matter hurt me time and time again. I wasn't sure if I became numb to it or if I learned how to better deal with it. One day it didn't seem to bother me anymore. I had gained a sense of respect and confidence for myself that I never had before. I knew I was great. I knew I had a good heart and I was a good person. I knew me and I knew that those who loved me knew who I was. I learned it is okay to care what people think of you to an extent. It is how much you care that makes the difference. Be great because YOU know you’re great not because you want others to think your great! If you learn to love yourself for the right reasons then the rest will fall into place. This lesson is one of the greatest gifts that we can give our children.
Hang with those who inspire you.
We all have those people in our lives who inspire us and build us up. Then there are the people I call the “suckers” who constantly suck the good out of you. I once heard, “you are only as great as the three people you hang around most.” I believe that to be true. It is not a bad thing to politely rid yourself of negative people and negative energy. It will only bring you down. There will be times or circumstances where you can’t change it but you can change how you let them affect you. I have learned it is crucial to surround yourself with those who inspire you and build you up.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Find happiness in the moment.
Today I watched the interview Barbra Walters did with Jennifer Lawrence on 20/20. I can’t stop thinking about what Jen said her perfect day would be. Barb asked her what her perfect day would be and Jen said, “My perfect day would be me walking down the street to go get coffee while looking people straight in the eye without them acting strange. I would also live on a large acre of land in a big beautiful home sleeping in every day with the love of my life. Hopefully starting a family and finding peace.” This made me think so much about “the Grass is always greener on the other side” syndrome that I think is human nature. How many of us have that life pretty much exactly as she explained but yet would love to be in her shoes? I felt like I could relate in a sense on such a small scale. (Seems crazy that I would relate to Jennifer Lawrence I know, but let me explain.) So often I get asked, “Why would you quit GTU it seems like it is a dream job?” The job was amazing and I am not taking away from that at all. I experienced what it was like to be in the spotlight and have people look at you differently and people even treated me special at times. It was great, I won’t deny that but all I could think about were the little things I wanted that I didn’t have. Those things were nice of course but they didn’t fulfill me the way I wanted to be fulfilled. I thought about the small things that other moms get to do like snuggling in bed with my baby in the morning while daddy was working. I thought about small dance parties we would have around the house and reading books because we would have time. I thought about making breakfast and having us all sit down and pray as a family around the table. I wanted to have time to clean my house and do laundry. (I know that sounds crazy and I wonder now why I felt that way now.) I dreamed of staying in my PJ’s all day if I wanted. I wanted to stay at grandmas late because I didn’t have to be up early in the morning. I wanted to stay up late watching Homeland or Vampire Diaries with my man without being exhausted the next day. I wanted to have time to sit and teach Stella what a doggy says. I wanted to be there for her first steps. Those are the things I yearned for. I know I’m completely crazy to think that Jen and I can even relate. I only say this because now I am living all of those things that I yearned for. I am happy because I listened to my heart. I am so fulfilled and truly happy but I think it is probably harder now than it was before in a way. I am here to say choosing to be a stay at home mom is not an easy task. There are days when I am exhausted and wonder how so many moms do this and have done it forever with multiple children. I have one baby and I do get overwhelmed at times. I have been on both sides and I am here to tell you the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The important thing is listening to YOU and then finding joy in what you choose. I believe the key to happiness is listening to your heart, following it and finding joy in the journey. Love the little moments that are hard to love. Live for now and not yesterday, not tomorrow but TODAY! I am so happy that I have found my happy and my balance. For me it is being a mommy and for you it might be something else. It is the hardest job in the world yes, but it is the best for me. We all are different and all have our different limits, talents and strengths. The key is listening to your heart, following it and then finding joy in the journey. Remember that Jen wishes she was in your shoes when you are having a hard day;).
All my love,